12 Signs You Have Fallen Out of Love

October 31, 2013


1) Talking about the future feels wrong

Discussing the future should be something that inspires and excites you and your partner. If there is awkwardness between you, this is an indication that you may not even want the relationship to continue for a few more years.

If picturing a life together leaves you feeling a sense of dread or sadness, give some serious thought to why this is the case and consider whether the reasons lying behind the feeling are things that could be improved with effort. If  you find that you simply cannot picture what you will be doing together in five or ten years, this may be because you are incompatible.

2) Your communication is consistently poor

Most relationships begin with a flurry of constant communication. However, couples have to work to sustain this type of closeness by making an effort to spend quality time together.

If conversation between you and your partner feels superficial, your emotional intimacy is no longer optimal. Constant arguing is another type of poor communication.

If almost everything that you say to each other takes the form of nagging, love and care can start to drain out of the relationship. When arguments are frequently repeated and never properly resolved, it is easy to forget why you ever enjoyed talking to each other in the first place.

3) You have fallen for someone else

Every couple has different ideas of what is acceptable when it comes to looking outside the relationship. If you are in a monogamous relationship, developing significant feelings for someone else is a clear warning sign that you may be falling out of love with your partner.

If you find yourself daydreaming about being with another person, catch yourself thinking of them during intimate moments with your partner or realize that many of your waking hours are consumed by thoughts of this individual, this is an indication that you need to take a closer look at the condition of your real relationship.

4) Being around other couples makes you feel jealous

Think about what it’s like to spend time with couples who are close and content when they are together. If you find that seeing a happy couple makes you feel jealous or uncomfortable, this may be because it forces you to see the contrast between this pairing and your unhappy relationship.

If you are regularly wishing that you had what you see between other couples, there is something deeply wrong with the way things stand between you and your own partner. It is also worth considering whether this problem is underneath the surface when you find yourself disliking other couples.

5) Your main reason for staying in the relationship is not love

There are dozens of common reasons for staying in a loveless relationship. For example:

  • You have children and you feel that it would upset them if they had to go through a parental split.
  • You follow a particular religion that suggests that ending a marriage is wrong.
  • You know that your family would not understand and may be difficult to deal with if you chose to leave your partner.
  • You are scared that you couldn’t find another partner.
  • You are financially reliant on your partner and you worry that you would struggle to fund your own life if your relationship ended.


6) You find it difficult to even care about problems in your relationship

Couples who feel angry at the thought of their relationship problems are still invested in their partnership in some sense. A relationship is all but dead if you find that one or both of you no longer cares about how things are between you.

If you have become indifferent, or if it no longer hurts you when your partner expresses disrespect for you, this is a serious warning sign that you may have fallen out of love. You may accept your lot in life and try to cope, but this is a far cry from the love and happiness that can be found in a healthy relationship.

7) You no longer enjoy your partner’s company

One almost irrefutable sign that you have fallen out of love is the sense that you no longer like or respect your partner. There are always incompatibilities between people, and even the most loving relationship involves tolerating some annoying habits, but you are in trouble when your feelings for your partner are more bad than good.

If thinking about these seven signs has left you feeling sure that your relationship is over, then it is in your best interests to move on. However, if you have just started to experience some of these problems, your relationship could survive if given the right level of care and attention.

8. Trust is lost

If something (such as an affair or the discovery of another major secret) has shaken the trust between you and your partner, this can have huge ramifications for the way you relate to each other.

When you don’t feel like you can rely on your partner, you will be hesitant to make yourself vulnerable, and the emotional distance between you will grow. If this is noticed early enough, effort and honesty can fix it. However, if the trust has been missing from your relationship for a long time, it is highly likely that the love is now missing as well.

9. You have no shared interests or goals

If there is nothing that you and your partner like to do together and nothing that you want to work towards, it is worth asking yourself whether there really is anything meaningful left between you at this stage.

Would you not be happier with a person who gets excited about your passions and has similar goals for the future? Even more importantly, if you feel no urge to develop new hobbies with your current partner and no desire to figure out some compatible goals by compromising, this is reason to believe that you may well have fallen out of love.

10. The relationship feels indistinguishable from a friendship

Although most people will agree that friendship is an integral part of any marriage or long-term relationship, if there isn’t something more to your feelings and experiences then you may as well have chosen to live with your best friend instead.

If you love your partner’s company and conversation but no longer feel any physical attraction or spark of chemistry, you may have fallen out of romantic love in spite of being in profound platonic love.

You should be especially concerned about this possibility if you realize that you wouldn’t really mind if your significant other found another romantic partner.

11. Your sex life is poorer than ever before

It is entirely normal for couples to experience ‘dry spells’ when sex is either infrequent or just seems to be less pleasurable. In addition, unfortunate medical problems or mental health difficulties can often get in the way of physical intimacy even when there is no deeper issue between you and your partner.

However, if your sex life has been nonexistent or deeply unsatisfying for a very long time, this is a clear warning sign that the love in your relationship has waned. It is especially worrying if the thought of sex with your partner makes you feel uncomfortable or trapped.


12. You often fantasize about life without your partner

Putting aside the issue of whether you fantasize about being with other people, ask yourself whether you have fantasies about an entire life that doesn’t involve your partner.

If you frequently catch yourself imagining moving to a new city, changing your appearance, pursuing a new career and starting to do all the other things that you know you would be able to do if you weren’t tethered to your current partner, it is time to do some serious thinking. When the sacrifices involved in a relationship are painful enough to override the benefits, you may simply no longer be in love.