Secret Revealed – 20 Reasons She Never Called You Back

February 13, 2014

After what seemed like a great date with an attractive girl, you might be left feeling very confused when your phone doesn’t ring. So, why hasn’t she called you back? Here are twenty reasons that might be behind this perplexing silence.

1. You dominated the conversation


One of the cardinal sins of dating is making a date all about yourself. Think about how you behaved; did you spend most of the time waxing lyrically about your life, achievements and opinions?

While it’s important to open up, you also need to demonstrate genuine interest in learning about the girl sitting across from you.

If you realize that the conversation was unbalanced and she barely had a chance to contribute anything, it may be the case that she hasn’t called you back because you communicated that you were too self-involved.

2. She is hung up on someone else

When it comes to dating, there are some uncontrollable factors in play. For example, it may be the case that this particular girl is not pursuing further dates with you because she simply isn’t emotionally available right now.

This girl may have tried dating even though her heart wasn’t in it, and she could be pining for a previous partner or someone who doesn’t return her feelings.

So, although you may have been an ideal companion with a sparkling personality, she may not be calling you back because she knows she isn’t ready to move on.

3. She’s nervous about calling you

If weeks and weeks have passed and you haven’t heard from a girl after a date, you can pretty much assume that she just isn’t going to call. However, it has only been a few days or even a week, your concerns might be premature. One reason why she might not have called is that she’s feeling nervous about it.

Perhaps she doesn’t think she has a good phone manner, perhaps she’s worried about appearing overly eager or maybe she has to psych herself up for every date. In this type of scenario, she may yet call!

4. You came on too strong

While it’s definitely important to display interest in a girl, she might not want to call you if you came on too strong at an early stage in the dating process. Did you drown her in a sea of praise, spewing out hyperbolic compliments?

Did you speculate on the names of your future children? Can you perhaps remember declaring that you’re sure that you’ll be very happy together? If any of this sounds familiar and you haven’t heard anything from the girl, she may have been put off by the intensity of your approach.

5. You didn’t come on strong enough


On the other hand, there is room to make mistakes at the other end of the spectrum.

Specifically, you might have discouraged your date from seeing you again (even if she liked you) by sending out signals that going on further dates would be pointless.

For example, you might have failed to smile when she attempted to joke with you, or said an abrupt ‘See you around!’ when you were parting.

If you think you might not have come on strong enough, you might want to give her another call and see if she’s interested in meeting you again.

6. You treated her like a therapist

Some people are naturally easy to talk to, and when you meet someone like that it you may feel the temptation to unload your problems (especially if you’re having issues at work or with family members).

However, she is looking to be your girlfriend, not your therapist, and she may have decided not to call because she felt burdened by your over-sharing.

It’s good to let girls know that you’ve got nuances and complexities, but it’s important to avoid taking this too far and making it seem like you’re using your date as a captive audience for your moaning.

7. You remind her of a negative figure from the past

Another blameless reason why she might not have called you is that you have an unfortunate but striking resemblance to someone significant from her previous experiences.

Most commonly, this will be an ex, but it could also be an overbearing father, a selfish brother or a friend who betrayed her.

While not calling you is a rather selfish way to express the fact that she doesn’t want to see you again, it may be that she’s confused and conflicted as a result of her response to you and is trying to hide from the memories that you stirred up.

8. You spend too much time talking about previous relationships

Even if you managed to keep the conversation well-balanced and interesting on your date, a girl may not want to call you if you spent too much time offering exposition about past lovers. There are a few different reasons why excessive discussion of exes might put a girl off the idea of seeing you.

For one thing, you might accidentally (or accurately) give the impression that you’re still hung up on someone else. Alternatively, you might be revealing negative or judgmental parts of your personality in the way you criticize your previous partners.

9. She has found someone else

Although it’s uncomfortable to consider, the girl in question may have decided not to call you back because she has found someone more suitable in the time that has passed since your date.

Sometimes, this will be because you didn’t really hit it off, but in other cases she may just have stumbled upon dramatic and significant chemistry with another guy.

However, you can comfort yourself with the fact that she wouldn’t have strayed so easily if you had been a particularly good match in the first place.

10. You didn’t make any effort on your date


Although there is more to successful dating than looks, there’s no escaping the truth that the way you present yourself on a date will influence how you are perceived by the girl you’re seeing.

While you can’t do much about your natural appearance, you can choose to practice good hygiene, wear deodorant and dress in a way that flatters your body.

If you remember walking into a restaurant wearing a food-stained shirt and smelling of body odor, you’ve probably found the reason why she hasn’t called you back.


11. She realized that your personalities don’t gel

Our personalities are shaped by a huge number of factors, ranging from upbringing to education, career and relationship experiences. As a result, it’s understandable that there are clashes between individuals.

If a girl hasn’t called you, give some thought to the level of compatibility between your personalities, as it is possible that she has realized something that you have not. Think back to the things you discussed and the things you know about her and consider whether there are any warning signs of clashing personalities.

12. You said something that she found offensive

If you exchanged awkward or even harsh words on a date, it is highly likely that this issue is what lies behind the girl’s decision to avoid getting in touch. Perhaps you disagreed about politics or got into a heated discussion about the worth of her chosen field of expertise.

No matter the type of offence, it may have been enough to convince her that you aren’t the right person for her. If you’re not known for being the most sensitive guy on the planet, it’s also possible that you offended the girl without realizing it.

13. There were some physical incompatibilities or setbacks

When a date ends in the bedroom, a new set of considerations that might influence future interactions can come into play. If you ended up sleeping together and it didn’t go well or the chemistry fizzled out as soon as you got naked, she may have decided that it is time to move on.

Further, if you got into an uncomfortable situation in which one of you thought that sex was on the cards but the other did not, this could have influenced her decision to take a step back as well.

14. She isn’t ready for commitment

Even if you’re an ideal candidate and the situation seems right, the person you’re dating may nonetheless decide that they don’t want to take it further.

Indeed, it might be your suitability that puts the girl off, as she may realize that she can’t casually date you without getting strongly attached (but doesn’t feel ready to make that type of commitment). She may change her mind in the future, but make sure that you don’t wait around for her to do so.

15. There was an awkward age difference


There are cases in which an age gap that sounded fine in theory feels different in practice.

For example, you might have met a younger girl through friends or via online dating, and when you actually went out on a date she may have realized that you don’t really understand her pop culture references or relate to where she is in her career.

On the other hand, if you were dating someone older, she may have decided not to call because you’re maturity isn’t quite on the level that she expected.

This doesn’t have to be bad in itself; it just means that you’re not right for each other.

16. She is going to call back soon

Of course, you may just be wrong when you assume that the girl is never going to call you back! Sometimes, life gets in the way of calling, even when someone wants to organize a new date.

In a few days, you might hear from her and find out that a complicated family drama, health crisis or work commitment has temporarily taken over her life. In fact, she might apologize profusely and invite you out this weekend…

17. You didn’t let your genuine personality emerge

Dates can create a lot of inner tension, as the stakes are high. For some guys, entertaining endless thoughts about what to discuss, how to dress and what information to reveal may end leading to a stifling of their real personality.

Many people find it quite difficult to ‘be themselves’ until a connection has been formed, but the trouble is that showing your personality is often necessary to form that connection in the first place. If you remember feeling like your true self wasn’t shining through on your date, it’s possible that the girl experience you as disingenuous and wasn’t sure about seeing you again.

18. You weren’t fully focused on the date

When you’re out with a girl, it pays to ensure that she feels like she has your full attention.

One of the most common mistakes involves checking your phone throughout the date, looking to see who has sent the latest text message or taking a quick glance at your phone every time a Facebook notification comes in.

If you are guilty of being glued to your smartphone or taking multiple calls during the date, the girl may have felt annoyed by your lack of focus and decided to pay you back in kind.

19. She realized that you have incompatible goals

While mutual attraction, good conversation and laughter can get you pretty far with a girl, if she’s looking for something long-term then she’ll also be on the look out for signs that you don’t see the future in the same way.

If you’ve talked about how much you look forward to being a father in the future and watched her turn pale at the thought of being near kids, this may be the reason she hasn’t called. The same applies to indications that only one of you has high levels of ambition or thinks marriage is important.

20. You got way too drunk

Whether you started ordering too many drinks because you were nervous, tend to drink a lot in any social situation or simply failed to properly keep track of your level of inebriation, she may have found you unappealing if you were getting slaughtered while she was fairly sober.

Getting too drunk when the date isn’t focused on alcohol suggests a lack of self-control or self-awareness as best, and a potential drinking problem at worst. With these concerns in play, she may want to avoid dating you in the future.